Baby update: For those of you who have been following my sporadic pregnancy updates and are curious, yes, baby is here! Bucking a family tradition of arriving well ahead of the due date, this kiddo came exactly as predicted. We’re all settling home now and trying to find our new rhythm as a family of four.
Welcome to week 3 of my 20-things-I’m-grateful-for November posts! This week I’m focusing on my personal connections. This was actually the hardest one for me as I’m not a particularly personable person and keep my circle of confidence pretty tight. And without further ado…
Being able to talk about hard topics with friends who’ve been there and get it
Laughing until my cheeks hurt because of something my friend did / said
Coworkers and managers who are parents and understand prioritizing family
Silly moments with coworkers that make work more fun
Feeling like family even with my in-laws
Knowing I can ask for help when I need it (I’m really bad at this though)
Getting a text message from a friend or extended family member who was just checking in or thinking about me
Friends and other connections who understand and respect my high need for alone time
The varied expertise of my friends I can tap into — pharmacy, optometry, psychology, interior design, information technology, finance, etc
Conversations with friends with opposing viewpoints who challenge my perspective
Conversations with friends with similar viewpoints who help me feel sane
The support of online communities of people with shared values
Being able to seek recommendations from friends/connections when choices are overwhelming
Sharing happy moments and milestones with good friends
Surprise gift pick-me-ups from friends after I confide in them with my struggles
Occasionally being pushed outside my comfort zone to try something new with friends by my side
Philosophical conversations with friends that force us to explore well below the surface of our values
Knowing I can be imperfect and my friends will still be there
Being inspired to chase after something I want because I witnessed someone in my circle achieve their want
Generally being surrounded by people that support, encourage, and root for me
What about you? What about your friends and personal connections are you thankful for?
How many people are here reading my blog as a way to pass the time when the holidays have you feeling unmotivated to work? Anyway, in anticipation of either being very pregnant, in labor, or recovering from delivery with a newborn this month, I’ve written 4 weeks worth of 20-things-I’m-grateful-for. Welcome to week 2! This week I’m focusing on things and circumstances.
A sturdy roof over my head and climate-controlled home
Blankets and soft, comfy sweaters/sweatshirts
Modern home conveniences: Microwaves, dishwashers, clothes washers and dryers, refrigerators, hot water
Digital communication devices/apps that allow me to connect and share with friends/family far away
Experts willing to share their knowledge and tips on social media
Free recipes and food prep tips available on the Internet
Digital libraries and audiobooks
Being able to afford sending my firstborn (and later also our baby) to daycare
My firstborn has an absolutely wonderful teacher at daycare right now
Having a steady income
My husband’s having a steady income
Having a job that cares about employees as people with family priorities and not just skilled laborers
Being financially secure such that we don’t have to keep an eagle eye on our spending
Generous (for the US) maternity and paternity leave policies for both my husband and me
Outside of mild inconveniences, the COVID-19 pandemic hasn’t affected our family
Living where I can experience all 4 seasons
Having access to quality health care
Chocolate and all of the wonderfully creative ways others have found to leverage its deliciousness
Cheese and all of the wonderfully creative ways others have found to leverage its deliciousness
Cars and airplanes that allow me to more easily visit friends and family far away
In the spirit of Thanksgiving–and to give myself a reprieve from the regular pressure of coming up with new post content each week while I’m anticipating giving birth literally any day now–each week, I’ll be posting 20 things I’m thankful for about a topic.
Is it immodest to kick this off by listing 20 things I love and am grateful for related to myself? You know what, I don’t care. We could all benefit from appreciating more about ourselves. Without further ado, here I go!..
I’m committed to always improving/learning/growing
My immune system keeps me feeling good and healthy most of the time
I’ve carried two beautiful babies (as of this posting, the second has yet to be delivered)
I am a caring mom
When I’m focused and determined, I give 110%
I am creative
I’m independent
I’m observant and perceptive
I’m a more than decent cook and can make some dishes I’m quite proud of
I’m mindful with spending
I’m a loyal, compassionate friend
I’m a natural problem solver
I know how to research a topic to the point of becoming somewhat of an expert on it
I can recognize beauty in simple moments
I make efforts to be an informed voter
I’m learning to be more compassionate and forgiving to myself
October is almost over and I have yet to acknowledge that it was the start of my last quarter of health-centric goals, this time focused around nutrition. As a perfectionist, I’m not always very yielding with my ideals, but at 38 weeks pregnant, I am now days to weeks away from meeting my second baby and if parenting has taught me anything, it’s to be willing to release expectations, lower standards, and allow for a low bar of what is “enough”.
Anticipating the end of the year to come at me at lightning speed, especially when newborn parenthood causes all the days and nights of the next few months to bleed into each other, I’ve been taking some time already to consider what I want to focus on in 2022. I reopened my 2021 year goal planner and was reminded that my focus word/theme of the year was “Let go (of what I can’t control, of the past, of judgment, of things I don’t need)”. So, while I had originally started this blog with the idea that I would split 2021 into quarters each with a health-related focus goals (breathe, sleep, hydrate, nourish), I’m letting this go for now.
So my current goal for this quarter? Relax. Really embrace that “Let things go” mantra I set for myself this year. I’m doing more stretches, checking in with my body and letting go of the tension I find there, forgiving myself more often for the times when I’m less than perfect, forgiving others when they also don’t meet my expectations, recognizing what is really and truly important and trying not to focus on the rest of it. Writing all of that out is pretty easy, but in practice I take a lot of reminding. I didn’t set SMART goals for myself this quarter. My goal is to check in with my body as often as I can, tune into what it needs, and meet that need as I am able (or ask for help where I am not… asking for help is doubly hard for me). There’s no way for me to “fail”. If I think about it, I check in with myself, and I have succeeded and that is that.
I’m very pregnant. I’m having trouble sleeping, physically uncomfortable most of the time, mentally carrying a hefty workload, and feeling like a ticking time bomb that could go off at any moment. Letting things go is the best kindness I can give to myself.
Hello. I’m not a psychologist, but I am a human with 30+ years of experience with an introverted personality in an extroverted society, and for 2 years, have been observing similar personality patterns in my child. And I have something to say…
I follow quite a few social media accounts of child psychologists, which are super helpful and informational and I’m so grateful to those content creators for sharing their expertise. However, I’ve seen more than one post recently about how to deal with shyness and I can’t help but feel like they miss the mark.
Where I agree: We need to stop getting defensive when our children look away or hold on tight to us when unfamiliar people talk to them (and also not assume that their uncle who they’ve seen five times over the last year is ‘familiar’ to them). “Oh, they’re just shy.” Saying phrases like this, and especially in the apologetic and sometimes embarrassed way they tend to be said, carries a negative connotation, and believe me (because I was a “shy” child too), kids pick up on and internalize that. They believe they are shy (even when that’s not necessarily the case) and that it’s a problem to be embarrassed about (which begets social anxiety, either creating some where there wasn’t or building off of what was there).
Let’s talk about “slow to warm” and why it’s not so great
The professionals I follow have been quick to offer up the “shy” alternative of “slow to warm”, and frankly, I’m not a fan of this phrasing either. Why? What if someone asked you a question and it takes longer than expected for you to answer, so I explain to everyone during the pause that you’re just “slow to think”? Would that make you feel better? Understood? Supported? More likely to come up with an answer soon? Being “slow to…” also carries a negative connotation and it implies that “warming up” to others is the end goal.
These kids are not slow to meet your social expectations; they are perfectly paced to be exactly who they are.
What if the child never reaches the point of “warm” in a given social situation? What if the child isn’t shy, but is feeling overwhelmed? What if a child isn’t shy, but after assessing the group, has decided they don’t want to interact because they simply don’t feel a connection with those people? What if a child is feeling shy and now they are also feeling pressure from adults to “warm” up and “quickly”?
Sometimes, there’s actually some pretty awesome observation happening while a child is sitting on the sidelines. Ask a child watching what they are seeing, and you may be surprised by their perceptiveness and all that they are taking in.
Everyone is shy sometimes
“Shy” is not an accurate descriptor of any one person at all times. I’ve observed even really outgoing people become anxious about a social interaction under certain circumstances or with certain people, and I (a frequently labeled “shy” person) have been very quick to open up to certain people under certain circumstances. Being shy is something every human experiences, some more than others. It’s not a term that needs to define us at all times and I think if we were to say that someone is “feeling shy” rather than that they “are shy” (and if we normalize all feelings… which is a whole other conversation) then we wouldn’t internalize the statement and come to believe that there was something innately wrong with us.
What are they if not “shy” and not “slow to warm”?
Oh, so many things! I think it’s fine to simply say this personality introverted, but there are also so many ways to call out the strengths: observant, cautious, mindful, perceptive, thoughtful, aware, in-tune, curious, calm. These people bring balance to the risk-taking personalities that jump in feet first without any consideration for consequences. Society thrives when it encourages and supports its full spectrum of personalities.
So, please stop using the term “slow to warm”. Ugh, it’s so cringey.
Last night, our family (including our 2-year-old toddler) had Rita’s water ice and custard for dinner. That’s it. No protein or fresh fruit to try to add nutritional value to the meal. It was a massive departure from the protein, fat, complex carbs, and little to no added sugar balance that I typically strive for. A past version of myself would have viewed this as my failing as a mom to provide adequate, balanced nutrition for my active and growing child and I would have mentally beat myself up over it.
Do I feel awesome and totally guilt-free about a sugar-loaded dessert for dinner? Haha! Also no.
But I’m so proud of myself for how far I’ve come in letting go of perfection. I set high goals for myself, and that’s ok, and changing plans and not meeting those goals 100% of the time is also ok.
My family didn’t have a wholesome, nutrient-dense, dinner. But we did have an enjoyable dinner while also contributing to my child’s daycare fundraiser (the whole reason why we went to Rita’s in the first place) and one treat meal out of one day is hardly going to throw off our overall health or my child’s growth trajectory. My child loved the experience of picking out his own flavor (“Yellow” was his consistent request the entire car ride over) and sharing bites of his dinner with Daddy and me while getting some tastes of ours.
It was a family treat and experience leaving us all with full bellies. It was embracing a different kind of balance, flexibility, and of course, imperfection. It was an example to me of how much I’ve grown in my mental flexibility and self-forgiveness and I’m proud of myself for it. Tonight, we can go back to our meals as usual.
When I last reviewed my progress towards drinking more water, my main goal was just to track my current intake and not yet to “schedule” my drinks of water or anything like that. I had been pleasantly surprised to find that just the act of tracking my water and bringing my own attention to drinking water, caused me to naturally consume more water.
Since then, I’ve had even more days of success (with back-to-back days of drinking 90+oz of water!) and found that 50-60oz of water generally seems to be where I plateau after starting to track my water consumption and changing nothing else. Still, that’s not bad considering my average for the first week was 35.5oz.
Day of the week
Date
Water consumed (oz)
Monday
July 26
87 (woohoo!)
Tuesday
July 27
85 (woohoo again!)
Wednesday
July 28
58
Thursday
July 29
54
Friday
July 30
58
Saturday
July 31
51
Sunday
August 1
49
Monday
August 2
29
Tuesday
August 3
75
Wednesday
August 4
58
Thursday
August 5
92 (wooooooo!)
Friday
August 6
97 (yay me!)
Saturday
August 7
58
Sunday
August 8
63
Monday
August 9
75
Tuesday
August 10
Updated insights
My weekly average has continued to go up (63.14oz, 67.42oz)
There no longer appears to be a trend for which days of the week I am more or less successful
Challenges
I caught a head cold at the end of July that just stuffed up all my sinuses and I’ve been a bedtime mouth breather ever since. In some ways, this has helped because then I ended up taking sips of water all night long, but it’s also affected my sleep and made the allure of coffee more difficult to resist. I still have the nasal congestion, and it’s driving me bonkers, but is has been improving, if slowly, and I’m much less inclined to go to the doctor for antibiotics while pregnant (since basically there is no risk-free drug).
I’ve also found this past weekend that I had a harder time keeping a glass of water with me at all times while watching my toddler. We have a tri-level home and he basically wanted to change levels every 10 minutes, (oh, and to be carried there if you please) and I simply did not have the capacity to carry both him, his water, and mine with every floor change (though I did try to a point). Maybe next time I should just have three glasses of water and place one on each of the floors. It’ll make tracking a little weird, but if it encourages me to drink then that’s most important, right?
Have you ever had the eye-opening realization that you’re sitting in a (metaphorical) hole that’s making your life much harder than it needs to be?
Have you ever had a follow-up eye-opening realization that the only one responsible for digging that hole and pushing you into it… was you? Your brain, your thoughts, your fears and anxieties. Because somewhere during your lifetime, you’ve convinced yourself that it’s actually much safer to operate out of this hole than to be above ground?
If you’re continuing to read, I’m going to assume it’s not just me hiding from my problems in metaphorical holes.
The harder part… once I’ve realized I’m sitting in a hole (and in fact, usually still holding the shovel and digging myself deeper) is to sit and figure out how to get out of the hole (and stay out). The answer, I believe, lies in facing whatever it is I’m trying to escape from.
Ohhhh, and my brain is well-practiced at finding distractions when I’ve threatened it with facing my problems. Even as I type this post, I can feel the pull of numerous ideas and chores “worthy” of my attention. And if I try to put down my shovel, haul myself out of my hole and look around myself to locate whatever this monster is we’re running from, I just find myself in a dense fog. There’s no clear direction to go in and nothing is coming forward. Gah, well played brain, well played.
This well-developed defense mechanism is not my brain’s fault; it’s not my fault. I know my brain is just trying to protect me. There’s something it sees that it doesn’t want me to know about because it thinks it’s better not to acknowledge it. I need to somehow uncover the threat and show my brain that it’s not as big of a monster as it thinks, that it’s something we CAN take on. I guess this is where a professional therapist would really come in handy.. to ask the right questions to help me navigate the fog. I may get to that one day, but right now I’m still in a place where I want to see what I can uncover on my own.
I’ve been tracking my hydration for a few weeks now, so I thought I’d look back and see what my baseline is so I can work on how to increase my water from there. One “small” hitch.. the app I’m using (Plant Nanny, because I like the idea of watering cute little plants each time I drink a glass of water) apparently only give the exact ounces you drank today and for past days, it just shows bars filled in based on how close I got to my goal but doesn’t share the exact number so I have to “eyeball” it. Change in habit #1 – find a better app. Sorry, cute plants.
Tracked hydration
So, without being able to see the exact numbers, here’s my best guess at how I did based on how those bars are filled in..
Day of week
Date
Water consumed (oz)
Saturday
June 26
34
Sunday
June 27
51
Monday
June 28
33
Tuesday
June 29
25
Wednesday
June 30
59
Thursday
July 1
Did not track
Friday
July 2
25
July 3-7
Did not track
Thursday
July 8
34
Friday
July 9
42
Saturday
July 10
51
Sunday
July 11
42
Monday
July 12
51
Tuesday
July 13
51
Wednesday
July 14
25
Thursday
July 15
25
Friday
July 16
42
Saturday
July 17
68
Sunday
July 18
51
Monday
July 19
51
Tuesday
July 20
59
Wednesday
July 21
42
Thursday
July 22
59
Insights
On average, I drank about 40oz of water per day.
Starting with the first full week I was tracking, my daily average went up each week (35.5oz, 42.25oz, 44.71oz, 52.75oz). My takeaway here is that simply tracking and being more aware has given me a boost in hydration.
Saturdays are my best hydration days (with average of 51oz)
Fridays are my hardest hydration days (with average of 36oz)
Finding a new app
I have a few problems with the current app I’ve been using including:
Doesn’t show exact numbers for past days
Doesn’t let me manually set a water goal (they set a goal based on weight and physical activity)
Reminders are every hour, on the hour rather than based on when I last recorded a drink
Slight scolding for drinking too much water at once if I happen to log multiple glasses of water back to back (which 100% of the time because I’m logging a glass I *just* drank as well as one I had awhile ago and never recorded)
No ability to see patterns in when I typically drink water
Not wanting to pay anything for something I could just keep track in a spreadsheet or notepad, my options are somewhat narrow. For some reason, it seems like almost every water app only offers regular reminders on the hour vs when you last had water, so given my budget, I decided that’s a low priority item.
I ended up going with Water tracker by Amila, which has the following features I like…
Shows number values for past days
Allows manual setting of water goal
Doesn’t judge me for how much water I log in one sitting
Offers charts and averages so I can better visualize my progress
Allows me to see times when I logged so I can see if I do better at certain times than others.
Has a progress bar that shows me how much I should have consumed by this time if the day
Shows me a progress bar of how much I’ve consumed today plus a visual marker for how much I *should* have consumed by now if I were drinking water evenly throughout my day to reach my goal.
Next steps…
I’m going to finish out the month continuing to just track and for the month of August, I’ll start looking into where I can start adding glasses of water to boost me towards my goal.
I started this blog and goal-setting project to establish new habits to meet certain goals each quarter of the year and maintain and build on those throughout the year. Well, my first quarter habits based on air quality goals have entirely fallen to the wayside, and I think I know why — while I don’t think they are unimportant, they aren’t important enough to me right now.
The other main motivation for my starting this project was the fact that my husband and I were looking to expand our family this year and as I still have a hard time looking back on how my labor, delivery, and recovery went with my son’s birth over 2 years ago, I want to set myself up for a more positive experience this time around. I believe lack of sleep played a big part in my fear and inability to cope and so I was hoping this wellness project would give me a foundation of self-care that allowed me to better handle stressful events. But brushing my cat’s fur every day (former air quality goal) doesn’t really feel like it does a whole lot to set myself up for a positive birth experience.
Now I’m halfway through my pregnancy with our second child. Moving forward with this blog and my goals for the year, I’m keeping my desire for a positive birth experience and smooth recovery at the forefront of my goals.
This is more likely to effect my nutrition goals in quarter 4 (be prepared for “weird” goals like eating lots of dates) than my hydration goals, but I still think it matters for when my motivation is low and my brain starts trying to talk me out of getting up for another glass of water.
This quarter, I’m staying true to my “why”: I’m doing this for my baby, I’m doing this for me, I’m doing this for our shared labor and delivery experience.
Using my “why” to set hydration goals
Adequate hydration has always been something I’ve struggled with. I’m not fond of water, flavored water is even worse, I don’t have a habit of drinking anything throughout the day, I like coffee (dehydrator), and I don’t eat many fruits and veggies (though I’ve definitely improved upon this in my adulthood).
The times when I historically have been most successful at drinking water include:
When I had a lull in my projects during my college internship and drinking water was something to do to fill the time (seriously, I drank water out of boredom)
At restaurants when I’m waiting for my food to arrive, and again, drinking water is a way to fill the time (again, drinking water out of boredom)
That one time when I had a UTI and couldn’t get a doctor appointment until the next day, and in my pursuit of relief, I latched onto an idea from Dr. Google that drinking water could flush the bacteria out and I drank water all day long like it was my freaking job (Which worked, by the way. By the time I got to my doctor appointment, my test was negative, and since my symptoms strongly indicated a UTI, the doctor said I likely had one and cleared it myself. Buh-BAM!)
So… apparently I am best at drinking water when I want to stop physical pain and boredom. If my “why” is centered around childbirth and my biggest hydration avoider seems to be avoiding discomfort, I think I can work with this.
After a quick consultation with the Internet on how adequate hydration affects pregnancy, labor, and delivery, I’ve come up with this list of how drinking more water can support my “why”.
Decrease risk of UTI (which being pregnant auto-increases my risk of and I know from experience this will help)
Prevent constipation (another common symptom associated with pregnancy and increased iron such as from the prenatal vitamins. Plus, there’s that whole dreaded postpartum poop that every pregnant person hears horror stories of)
Prevent headaches (I’m prone to migraines and saw a serious up-tick in them during my first trimester.)
Increase energy and stamina.
Minimize joint and muscle pain.
Prevent pregnancy complications including neural tube defects, low amniotic fluid, inadequate breast milk production, premature labor. (American Pregnancy Association)
May decrease length of labor by 1.5 hours and decrease risk of Cesarean (Evidence Based Birth)
I’m doing this for my baby, I’m doing this for me, I’m doing this for our shared labor and delivery experience.
There are countless benefits to getting enough water, but by curating my list of reasons so that they more specifically align with my biggest current motivator, I anticipate more success than if I continued trying to drink water to clear my adult acne (something I also would like but time has shown that’s not enough of a motivator for me).
Hydration goals
Now for the goals!
Make a habit of tracking my water intake daily by using a mobile app with water tracking reminder.
Build up to 100oz of water per day (this goal may be adjusted depending on how my body feels with this amount and whether my pee color indicates that I’m overhydrated or still underhydrated.)
Annnnd that’s enough. I might have to break down that second goal into mini goals (like drink a glass of water every morning first thing when I wake up) so that I’m not chugging so much water at the end of the day that I’m peeing all night and feeling water-logged, but this is what I’m starting with.
Precariously Poised 